Kind listening - body language
kind listening
Our words, our tone and our body language are all key factors in communication. In this wee blog I’ll discuss body language and nodding.
Kind Listening | Body Language
Because a kind listener does very little speaking, body language is the most significant way they can create a safe space for the speaker. Aspects of body language to consider include:
Leaning forward (but not encroaching on the speaker’s space)
Eye contact (but not staring)
Having an open body posture (arms and legs uncrossed)
Appropriate, encouraging nodding
A word on nodding:
Your partner may think that you agree with them because you are nodding.
If you think your partner may misconstrue your nodding (or even get annoyed by it) it is helpful to explain in advance that you nodding just means you are listening to them.
An interesting thing I read about nodding was in a book on communication by Andrew G. Marshall:
‘However, be aware we normally nod in pairs. Three nods suggest you wish to interrupt.’[i]
Exercise
Kind Listening – Part I Noticing
Practise kind listening to someone other than your partner. First try it with a stranger, then a colleague, then a friend, and finally a relative. Take a note of the time and see if you can listen without needing to say anything for five minutes. If that seems too long, start with two minutes. Don’t say anything, unless it is ‘mm hmm’. Notice your body language as you listen. What do you notice about your own body language?
• Do you nod?
• Do you lean towards the person or away? If you notice you are leaning back, experiment with leaning forward
• Do you have eye contact? If you are avoiding eye contact, take a risk to meet the speaker’s eyes. If you are staring, let go your gaze
• Are your arms or legs crossed? If they are crossed, uncross them
• Are you engaged? Is it easy or difficult? Notice your feelings
[i] Marshall, A. G. (2011) Help your Partner say ‘Yes’, Seven Steps to Achieving Better Cooperation and Communication. Bloomsbury Publishing p. 83